Freeze your niblets

Aussies are huddled in corners and long time locals are stuffing foot warmers in their ski boots. The alpine low on Tuesday was minus 25 degrees and flesh freezes in 15 minutes or less. Welcome to Canada.

I overheard a few Whistler imports moaning that the cold weather is inhumane. If you stand outside naked freezing off your "niblets", then yes the cold is torturous. Otherwise grab another sweater and learn to enjoy the feeling of frozen snot against your cheek.

The West Coast has been coddled in warm temperatures for decades so the rest of Canada is having a good chuckle. I’ll admit that it was tough to get out of bed this morning but it could always be colder. The coldest wind chill ever recorded in Canada happened in Pelly Bay, NWT, where the wind took an already -51 C down to a "niblet" disintegrating -92 C.

Flesh freezing weather has some benefits. Firstly it’s a good excuse to eat more. If someone asks why you keep stuffing your face, look them square in the eye with crumbs flying and say one word – insulation. Then shake your head in disgust and get back to work. That pie isn’t going to digest itself.

The cold is also a great time for the fridge to break down. When your freezer shudders for the last time, you can laugh and start carting the frozen perogies outside. Not only is outdoor refrigeration free, you’ll have a chance to share your food with some furry friends. Bambi lay off the sweets.

The Roundhouse on Whistler Mountain is a great place to go on frostbite patrol. It’s a great activity if you can’t afford cable television and it’s better than pay-per-view. Frostbite occurs when the skin and body tissues are exposed to cold temperatures for prolonged periods of time.

Frostbite is distinguishable by the hard, pale, and cold quality of the skin. The area is likely to lack sensitivity to touch, although there may be an aching pain. Any part of the body may be affected but hands, feet, nose, and ears are the most vulnerable. Look for skiers and snowboarders with white patches on their cheeks.

If only the skin and underlying tissues are damaged, recovery may be complete. However, if blood vessels are affected, the damage is permanent and gangrene can follow which may require amputation of the affected part. You should see eyes widen and jaws drop when you slip that fact into an Aussie’s conversation.
If you’re having trouble dealing with the cold, here are a few tips. Wear clothes, sit in the Meadow Park hot tub, and suck it up. The old idea of cold showers or baths and “washing in snow” to toughen up against the cold does indeed work. Try it first and I’ll watch from the hot tub.

Illusionist David Blaine, once spent 62 hours in a block of ice. He has an interesting cold weather philosophy.
“One great way to beat the cold is to accept it and even challenge it. Treat it like a fight you are looking forward to. Resisting pain can only make us stronger. Remember soon enough you will be in the warmth. I would even say try to trick your mind into liking it,” Blaine once said.

So embrace the cold, grab your toque and for heaven’s sake stop whining or we’ll ship you off to Nunavut.